Motherhood: but make it Yours, Volume 6
Alexia, a London-based tech lawyer and my good friend, on "doing it all"
Every Monday, ‘Motherhood: but make it Yours’ brings you a new voice.
This week: My friend Alexia on finding a rhythm that actually works.
I returned to work after six months of maternity leave.
People warned me it would be hard. I heard stories about guilt, tears at daycare drop-off, and the emotional weight of leaving my baby each morning.
Of course, all of that was true.
However, what no one prepared me for was the sheer administration of going back to work as a new mom. From the moment you wake up (sometimes at 5 a.m. when your baby decides the day has begun), life becomes a series of time slots:
breakfast
nursery drop-off
meetings
emails
cooking
workouts
bedtime routines
In order to cope, I felt every hour needed to be accounted for, every detail required attention.
I created a detailed schedule for my days, which I thought would allow me to “do it all.” There was certainty and stability in that schedule, and with it, I believed I could balance both work and family life.
While the schedule worked well when everything went smoothly, what I wasn’t prepared for was how quickly it unraveled the moment life threw a curveball:
a sick child,
a late meeting,
a toddler who would rather read books than let me exercise,
and then suddenly, the structure crumbled.
My sense of safety and stability, which I had tied to that detailed routine, went out the window almost daily. The constant deviations began to create more anxiety than the many things I was already juggling.
After a lot of trial and error (and many tears), I learned this: you can’t plan everything, but you must plan the things that matter most.
I created a list of non-negotiables:
Mornings with my daughter before work
Time to exercise
Cooking dinner
Around those anchors, I allowed myself to be more flexible. This shift drastically reduced the mental load I was carrying. It meant I didn’t need to have the “perfect day” every day; I could adapt to the obstacles that inevitably reshaped the day I had imagined when I first woke up.
Was it perfect?
Not at all.
There were late work nights to make up for daycare pick-ups, and there were many moments of guilt. But focusing on the things that brought me joy, and letting go of the rest, made all the difference.
In the end, I realized that “having it all” isn’t about fitting everything in.
It’s about choosing what’s truly important and making time for it.
